One of the biggest mistakes women make is putting everyone and everything before themselves.
“Let me feed the kids” – even when they’re not hungry.
“Let me make breakfast for my husband” – even though he has hours before work and can cook himself (and for us too).
“Let me clean the house” – even when no guests are coming, and it’s just a little messy.
We keep running – watering plants, ordering groceries, ticking tasks off a never-ending list. And when we finally break down from exhaustion, it’s too late.
- Our bodies are worn out.
- Our minds are anxious.
- We start resenting the very people who offered help – help we declined, trying to be superheroes.
Pause. Reflect.
- Did your spouse stop you from prioritizing your health, or did you assume that they did not leave any time for you to do something for yourself?
- Did you ask for support, or expect others to read your mind?
- Did you share your ambitions, or bury them beneath guilt and responsibility?
Of course, there are exceptions where men of the family deliberately, as the perfect example of patriarchy, suppress women. But again, pause, reflect. Is your family really like that, or is it just your assumption?
I remember resigning from a job where several leaders urged me to reconsider. One senior leader, despite being responsible for a major event, took the time for me. She didn’t ask why I was quitting—she just shared her own story. She said:
High performers often suffer in silence. Because they always seem fine, everyone assumes they don’t need help. But when they burn out, they think it’s entirely their burden to fix. All they need to do is raise a hand. Help is there—if they ask.
Her words broke me. I cried. She let me. She asked me to think, not about quitting, but about what help I really needed.
Remember what Professor Dumbledore told Harry Potter?
Help will always be given (at Hogwarts) who ask for it
So here’s what I’ve learned:
- You’re not weak for needing support.
- You’re not selfish for prioritizing yourself.
- You won’t be happy by trying to make everyone else happy.
- You can’t pour from an empty cup, so you must first fill yourself with happiness and be physically as well as emotionally fit to take care of someone else.
- Ask for help. Be specific.
- Everyone needs at least one person they can talk to openly and be completely vulnerable with. Find that person—and talk.
- Someone else prioritising themselves shouldn’t be taken to mean that you were deliberately left behind. Perhaps you never expressed your ambitions or what you wanted to do.
Because taking care of yourself isn’t selfish—it’s necessary.
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Image Courtesy: Photo by Content Pixie on Unsplash
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