For today, I do not want to mind my language and watch my tongue. I will generalise all men, like they do about women driving a car or bike, how their lives go for a toss once they get married, how they lose all decision-making abilities in front of their wives, and so on. As a society, we have been laughing over such cringeworthy jokes. Now laugh off what I am about to write. Don’t get offended. You know, I don’t mean any of it. It’s just a joke. Don’t take it personally.
Why the hell do you, men, carry such huge egos? What has been your contribution to being born as a boy? Or for that matter, your parents’? It just happened that a combination of chromosomes made you a boy and me a girl. That’s it. Kis baat ka ghamand leke ghoom rahe ho tum?
Does that natural process that made you a boy give you the eternal right to be rude, evetease, and rape any girl, pull your wife’s hair, pour acid on her, and finally burn her alive? Just because you are a man, you can demand money to marry a girl, like, for the entire life? Do you even have a spine? Can you not earn it for yourself? I mean, seriously. Stop and think about it. A woman is tortured, sometimes killed, sometimes made to go through several pregnancies, terminate many of them, just because the baby in the womb is a girl. How is that her fault? What about the husband? Why, he is the biggest of all in this world. Why didn’t he do his magic to create a boy in the womb? It was his sperm after all that failed.
We have all been hearing about and even watching the ghastly visuals of the Noida murder in a dowry case. The man has no remorse. He still doesn’t have any idea of what a big asshole he is.
Just yesterday, I came across a video where two female bikers stopped on the side of a highway to drink water. An elderly man and his son could not digest the freedom of these women. How can they afford to buy such swanky bikes, ride them freely, and wear expensive biking gear? They were on the opposite side of this highway, divided by a steel divider. The son came running and started abusing them and shooing them away by saying that this is his property and they cannot stop the bikes there. The women argued that they had stopped on a highway. His house is on the other side of this road. HOW DARE THEY SAY SOMETHING LIKE THAT TO A MAN? A man with a fake lawyer degree and wearing cheap boxers and a worn-out shirt being questioned by these women driving heavy machines? His ego shot to the moon, and he snatched the key of one of the bikes. Women were made to wait for 7 long hours by policeMEN to even file a complaint and take any action at all to get their key back.
So again, WHO ARE YOU, really? Kis baat ka ghamand leke ghoom rahe ho tum?
Living in 2025 surrounded by men who still think that their prime responsibility is to make money, provide for the family (materialistically), be the secondary parent – who does the parenting jobs only when the primary parent (the mothers) are not around, does not want to talk about periods, who can just sympathise with their wives and daughters when they are on their periods but cannot actually do anything to help them, that it is women who must bear the burden of the household chores, children, elders, groceries, social engagements etc while they can be somewhere in the background showing how ‘supportive’ they are.
Men, you need to be in the foreground. You are the primary parent along with the mothers. You can love, play with, and do all children’s duties without being asked, even when mothers are around. You should know where your kids’ things are, their clothes, their assignments on a daily basis, and so on. The mothers don’t have to step out of the home for you to take over. You can do all these while she is around.
Women on their period do not need your sympathy. It needs your empathy, an acknowledgement that she is going through some level of discomfort, and yes, you can help her. Maybe not with the pain, but by taking over some of the household chores like getting your children ready for school, packing their bags, making breakfast, etc, so that she can rest a little longer. Not that we stop working, and we cannot work, we keep doing it, but the essence of companionship comes into play when you understand that your partner may need some rest once in a while, without explicitly asking for it.
There are no expectations for you to be perfect at every task, but yes, gone are the days when men were only expected to be moneymakers or breadwinners for the family. The generation has evolved emotionally, and your family back home needs your emotional support as well as your physical and mental presence too.
It is very easy for men to quietly sit in the room while their children are helping themselves in studies or playing, and wives are running around to make sure that the assignments are done, she entertains children, cooks dinner on time, and whatnot.
Get over this – “you tell me what to do and I will do it. When did I ever say no to it?” This is your home too. They are your children, too. She is your wife. Why should somebody explicitly ask you to do things around in your own home or with your own family?
And that classic – “This is how I will do. Take it or do it yourself.” Sorry, you need to learn and do things better. Not perfect, but certainly in a way that someone else does not have to clean up after you or calm down the storm that you create. Your wife was also not like this when she was young, but she learnt and changed her ways.
Of course, men and women are different emotionally, but fathers and mothers can be almost at the same level for their children. Times have changed, whether you like it or not. Don’t treat your children the way you were treated by your parents. It is okay to hug your kids once in a while, say sorry when you realise that you were wrong or too harsh, acknowledge that they might be hurt – physically or emotionally, not every time they have to be “strong” or “a boy who doesn’t cry.”
It’s painful when we see the times changing, but a few current generation people are still living in the olden times, refusing to even acknowledge that they need to change a bit. Accepting that women are their peers and not their servants or someone inferior to them. Changing is not the same as bending. You live by certain principles; keep them as long as they are not illegal. But change your behaviour, outlook, and accept the change in your role within the family, office, and other social circles…
In a few days from now, Navratri will start, and these spineless men will be going all out to worship the Nine Avatars of Devi. But do they even realise and acknowledge the fact that their mothers, daughters, wives are those Devis too? I am not even sorry for generalising all men as the same. It is suffocating. It is frustrating. It is painful. And the men that I am talking about, not all of them are illiterate. I am also talking about educated illiterates. Have we forgotten the case of an IAS officer mercilessly beating up his equally educated (with clipped wings after marriage) wife, along with his family, for not being given enough dowry? Look around yourself. The seemingly nice family. Do the men in your family, by default, without being asked, even give you a glass of water or make tea for you when they see you tired?
Yes, women are more emotional than men, but we are even tougher than they. I am not saying this as a slogan. I am stronger than the majority of the men around me. I can wake up before them, do ten things simultaneously, take much more mental, physical, and emotional loads than they do, and yet sleep after them after cleaning up the entire home and doing some preparation for the next day.
I am not ashamed of saying sorry if I am at fault. This does not make me fragile. It makes me a better human being than you.
I am not ashamed of shedding tears when overwhelmed by emotions. This does not make me fragile. It makes me much more empathetic than you.
I can carry and nurture a whole new life within myself, embrace the enormous changes in my body and hormones, go through the pain of giving birth, spend sleepless days and nights to bring about a child, and yet get back to everything as if nothing happened. This does not make me fragile. It makes me the biggest giver in the world.
I can go out, work and earn money, sometimes even more than men, and yet come back home to take care of the home, the kitchen, the children, and both sets of our parents too. This does not make me fragile. This makes me a superhuman.
You can’t even be empathetic with your fellow human? And, I must repeat it here. We are halfway through the year 2025, and very soon stepping into 2026. Do we still need to teach all these basic manners to men? Kis baat ka ghamand leke ghoom rahe ho tum?
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Photo by Tim Mossholder on Unsplash
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